03 Apr Women and Money: Shifting Beliefs and Behaviors

The topic of women and money has been building momentum over the last several years. Women are claiming their power in politics, business, and finance. With females comprising 85% of spending in the US, it is not surprising that females are being called to re-examine our relationship with money.

I’ve heeded the call and been attempting to educate myself on money matters. There are loads of books on the subject including many by contemporary women. Then the classics like Napoleon Hill, Robert Kiyosaki, etc. – that suggest financial prosperity is not just about numbers but rather our belief systems, emotions, and generational habits.

While I don’t always find it easy to connect to figures like Barbara Stanny and Kate Northrup, who grew up wealthy, I do appreciate their unique experiences and their efforts to encourage women to educate themselves as a source of empowerment.

Lack of Education = DEBT

I have a lot of student loan debt. In part, because my step-father asked me to “sign on the dotted line” when I was seventeen, and in part due to my own ignorance and lack of foresight when I decided to go back to grad school at twenty-eight. (Once I realized how much debt I was accumulating, I left the program.)

I’ve worked since I was 14, I grew up with grandparents who re-used aluminum foil until it was barely recognizable, and I am conservative by nature. Luckily my frugality means I’ve managed not to totally screw myself, in that I don’t have credit card debt or car payments. However, it is only through my last relationship, and the end of my last relationship, that I learned anything about “how money works”. Even more specifically, about some longstanding historical dynamics between women and money. I had gained a lot of knowledge from my ex’s business savviness. Then, when the relationship concluded I engrossed myself in spiritual and financial self-improvement books. Like many female money coaches and authors, I vowed to never again make myself financially vulnerable. I’d given up my personal power by believing that I’m “a creative, not a businesswoman.”

Interestingly enough, at the outset of my relationship, I was very conscious of not giving up my financial independence. As circumstances evolved, I entrapped myself in the mentality that I wasn’t earning enough money to be considered successful, or of equal self-worth to my high earning partner. He was extremely generous but I perceived an undercurrent of “not enough”. Whether it was a real or imagined belief, I lost my self-confidence and undermined my emotional health. When I look back now, I see that I was doing just fine.

Inheriting Beliefs

My parents divorced when I was young, with the majority of arguments centering around money.

My mom grew up with relative wealth and remains accustomed to a certain degree of privilege. Yet, she’s also an artisan who abides that some things are more important than money – like your soul’s fulfillment and being a kind person. While I’m grateful to have been raised with values rooted in craft, humility, and authenticity, I also question why these qualities were considered contradictory. Surely you can be a principled person and also have money? As an adult, I’ve also discovered that it’s challenging to access creativity (third chakra) when I’m locked into survival mode (root chakra) due to financial pressure. So, a bit of a double-edged sword there. Starving artists might produce even better work if they weren’t starving!

Then there’s my dad, who also came from a well-off background. He relinquished his artistic talents to support a family, has worked very hard at a job he doesn’t like for decades, and has plenty of money. However, he lives in fear of not having enough and despite financial wealth, has rarely contributed to me and my brother’s well-being.

Motivation for Change

Examining all of this has led me to accept that my own emotions around money are ambiguous at best. Is money good? Or is it evil? Is it something that causes conflict? Is it something that impedes artistic expression? Or is it important for creativity? Is it beneficial to have material wealth and comfort? My current work pays decently but it is inconsistent. I live in a perpetual state of scarcity. Suddenly I saw the “why” in how I’ve structured my own financial security or lack thereof. I now subconsciously understand that my financial dependence on others is a scapegoat for my own potential failure – or success – as an artist.

Different versions of these faulty belief systems involving women and money manifest in many other ways. A dear friend who is a yoga teacher has difficulty accepting her full personal worth and thus struggles to charge for it. Another friend despises her job but chooses not to leave for fear of financial instability. A close female family friend is now in major credit card debt after poorly managing a $.5M divorce settlement. These situations are not just about money, they are about deep-seated belief systems and a lack of financial education.

Shifting My Relationship with Money

The more I learn about money in relation to spiritual and material wealth, the more excited I am to keep educating myself! I find a great deal of strength in gaining knowledge about money. It’s like a secret society that I’ve invited myself to join. Why did we not learn this stuff from a young age? Why does no one talk about the huge implications of poor money management?

Like most life challenges, it’s easier to avoid the discomfort of acknowledging your true financial situation. Yet I believe that doing so is the key to unlocking so much more than a healthy bank account. Knowledge is power and women must claim this power in order to live into the fullest versions of themselves. Read a book, take a course, schedule a free consultation with your bank’s financial advisor. You may feel resentment or fear engaging in a male-centric capitalist system that you don’t agree with or want to participate in. But if we, as women, can learn, strategize, and create wealth with conscious money management, we are more likely to change the rulebook and eventually, the game.