05 Apr Rod Stryker’s Relax into Greatness
I had put off this specific meditation for weeks. Likely, this was a sign that I really did need to “Relax into Greatness”. However, I was trudging through some major life changes, feeling too raw and tired to take the lid off yet another box of introspection. Nonetheless my ‘deepest desires’.
The Four Desires
When I first started reading The Four Desires by Rod Stryker, I did so flippantly. My close friend had sent a link to his work. It resonated enough to reserve the book at the library. I always love a good self-improvement book – add yoga and I’m in! The first week of reading The Four Desires, I noticed my resistance to the Dharma Code exercise. I persevered though and came out on the other side invigorated and inspired. I’m a big fan of step-by-step processes that churn out a solid result at the end. Putting all of my random thoughts into a magic machine that generates a nicely packaged gift at the end is very satisfying.
I was so excited about the outcome that I encouraged my friend to also get the book so we could be Dharma Code buddies. She enthusiastically bought the book. Then something interesting happened. We both kinda-didn’t-do-it. Which is the embodiment of the very resistance Stryker speaks of in his book. Life happened and we never synced up on the exercises.
Facing Resistance
I picked up the book again a week or two later. This pattern of stepping away, and then towards, The Four Desires happened multiple times. As an avid reader, I would have normally finished The Four Desires in a week, maybe two. It took me several of these stop-start cycles over a couple of months to finally admit that the book was tough going.
Not only do the exercises and calls-to-action interrupt the comfort of placid bedtime reading, but whenever I embarked on one of the tasks or meditations, I was deeply impacted. I needed days to process. Continuously unearthing more about myself was hard work. It turns out that this book is not casual reading, nor does it offer light suggestions for improving your life. The Four Desires DEMANDS that you wake-up. It invites you to take stock of your life and make real changes if you truly want to realize your deepest desires.
Relaxing into Greatness
Back to the meditation I was avoiding. I was having a very rough day, not in a state of mind for anything requiring much attention to detail. Needing a task to focus on, I thought, “Okay, today’s the day. This meditation will be good for me”. I located a voice recording of the meditation online and laid out my yoga mat. I put on some socks, a hoodie, and shut the door against distraction and hit PLAY.
Within one minute of the audio beginning, I heard the thump of my cat exiting my bed in the other room. Looking to my right, a meow, little paws, and a nose peeked in under the door. Good grief. I cracked the door, cuddled the cat, satisfied his curiosity, and re-started the meditation.
The Cave of My Heart
After being led through a body scan, Stryker guides you into the “cave of your heart”. In my cave, there was a tiny red heart floating gently in the air. Not unlike the roses under glass that you see in fairytales. The next instruction is to imagine a figure. A glowy, androgynous outline appeared and stepped into this heart. Then, I experienced my current self as a dark, heartless outline approaching this figure, in desperate need of being held. The figure embraced me and suddenly we shared the heart. The heart grew large enough to fill both of us. I realized that this was my higher self. The higher self that I’ve been disconnected from for over a decade. My true heart – my soul.
From there, this glowing figure gave me guidance and comfort. I had the sudden realization that I need to paint. I must honor my higher self and allow myself to do what makes me whole, which is to create art. Over the span of my life, I unknowingly fragmented my Self by continually trying to circumvent this part of myself. I was encouraged to let go of the criticism and false ideas about the validity and worth of artists that my subconscious absorbed early-on. I was told to stop wasting time, energy, and effort trying to do what I think people want me to do, or what I perceive as good or successful.
Realizing Deepest Desires By Changing Habits
The following mornings I chose to get up early and paint. Instead of hitting snooze ten times, checking my phone for emails, feeding the cat and going to drink coffee listlessly in front of the computer, I give myself one hour to be creative. It is the best thing I’ve done for myself in a long time. I feel happy, calm, and fulfilled. My well is fuller so I have more to give other people. I now know what I must give to myself for lasting peace. It doesn’t matter if I make loads of money or if others love my work.
When I grow up, I want to be an artist. The artist that I was when I was three-years-old. The artist I’ve been all along, and the artist who has everything just by being myself.