29 Apr COVID-19: Waylaid in South Africa

When I wrote my last post, Starting a Small Business While the World is Ending, I was unaware of the literal end of things as we know them, due to COVID-19. When echoes of this disaster were first murmured, I was in South Africa visiting friends. It was meant to be two months of working remotely and reconnecting, with a travel date back to Germany in March. 

As my flight neared, it became clear that I needed to make some major decisions. I already knew the answer in my gut. I wasn’t going to Germany. I would be in trouble if I got stuck in Europe, quarantined, Air Bnb-ing my life savings away in euro. I knew I was going to disappoint my mentor who was waiting for me. I knew I was going to risk staying in one of the most under-resourced countries in the world during a potential crisis.

COVID-19 Begins Spreading Rapidly

The situation was growing obviously and exponentially worse around the world. My mother encouraged me to return to the United States. Despite wanting to support my family, traveling through three major airports on a 48-hour trip was not an attractive proposition. It was highly likely that I would contract COVID, potentially passing it to mother upon arrival. Again, I chose to remain in South Africa.

As the world began to buckle under the weight of the virus and crashing markets, South Africa started to tremor with similar unrest. Every day I awoke to check the COVID stats, the load-shedding schedule, and the exchange rate. I couldn’t help but laugh at these daily reports — a tragic comedy. More and more I wondered how prepared I needed to be, for what was now inevitably on its way.

The World’s Response

Mid-March, Europe, and the US announced travel restrictions, a clear indication things were about to get much worse before they got better. The next day, panic buying ensued in South Africa. The rand dropped significantly. Uneasiness settled in like a fog over sunny Cape Town. I kind-of-sort-of started stocking some essentials. I was both skeptical and not wanting to lose out on a chance to grab food since I could only carry a couple of bags whilst on foot. I felt ungrounded and emotional going into the grocery store. About half of the customers were wearing masks. I could not help but wonder about the future memories of the small children being dragged around by their parents.

Soon thereafter the South African president announced that a 21-day lockdown would be implemented in four days, at midnight. All business operations, socializing, forms of exercise, dog-walking, alcohol, and cigarettes would be banned. The only businesses that would be allowed to operate were hospitals, grocery stores, pharmacies, banks, and petrol stations. The nation scrambled. I scrambled. Waves of anxiety interlaced with a desire to give to every homeless person, to every refugee, to every person with less than me. Aloneness and fear gave way to gratitude — I was safe, my landlady was allowing me to extend, I had support and food.

Preparing for Isolation

As we prepared to hermit ourselves, it was obvious people would suffer. Thousands living in townships would be without proper water supply or hygiene. The large immunocompromised population would experience even greater distress. Those who were “lucky” enough to keep their jobs, would be exposed to COVID daily. Meanwhile, businesses were folding, tourism was dead in the water, and a nation who is no stranger to adversity was facing its next crippling recession — this time not alone on the world stage.

Doing my measly bit, I purchased kitsch beaded keychains from the non-South Africans, who would not get aid. I delivered money from overseas to a Zimbabwean friend and artist so he could survive lockdown, his livelihood destroyed by canceled markets.

On the eve of lockdown, nothing and no one stirred. The surreal awareness that we were all living in a historical moment hung heavily in the quietude.

The Beginning, Middle…and No End in Sight for SA COVID-19 Lockdown

Day 2 of lockdown. It is still. A dog is barking. A neighbor child is squealing. The chaos abetted, everyone is watching and waiting to see if all of our efforts would have any impact, or if it was too late. I‘m finding peace in the placidness. I also feel guilty for experiencing the pause as a blessing. A much-needed reprieve from trying to achieve, compete, and succeed.

Over the next three weeks, we all buckled down to be our most productive selves. National pride buoyed our spirits. Our internal and external struggles ebbed and flowed but never entirely capsized anyone. Being part of the privileged population meant our lockdown took place in nice, safe homes with plenty of access to food and entertainment. For me, there was little change since I normally work from home. Of course, I missed my friends and our galivanting but overall, things were okay.

Until the announcement of extended lockdown. South Africa would remain restricted for 3 more weeks. Suddenly the mood changed. Everyone’s smiles became a bit more vacant and the patriotism gave way to divisive views on whether COVID or the economy should take precedent. I hit a wall, realizing even the staunchest introvert needs an infusion of humanness from time to time. I was finally registering that lockdown could potentially go on for an unknown period of time.

Fast-forwarding to Day 34 of extended lockdown. I have established equilibrium again after an emotionally challenging weekend following the government’s decision to lift lockdown through a series of stages. There is no real end in sight. Socializing, exercise, and alcohol continue to be banned through the next stage beginning tomorrow. The weeks are undulating, like waves forming and then breaking.

The Lessons EMERGING FROM solitude

It is requiring increasingly more effort to stay grounded and focused. I am meditating more. I am craving the company of my tribe. I miss my friends and family in the United States. I would give anything for a bike ride. However, within this new and restricted lifestyle, I am also appreciating subtleties more. I am learning a lot about myself.

These are some of the things that I am finding helpful outside of the standard COVID protection guidelines. My hope is to emerge a wizened, humbled, and more kind-hearted human by taking these lessons with me after COVID recedes.

Limiting Media Exposure

I believe we all need to stay informed to a certain extent. However, I also view it as essential to give our nervous systems substantial breaks from the onslaught of negative and bias news that is circulating. This looks different for everyone. Suffice to say that keeping the news on all day is probably doing all of us much more harm than good.

Facing My Demons

A lot of my shadows are popping out to say “hello”. Unresolved relationship issues, uncleared grief, selfish or self-pitying thoughts, and a variety of fears are all surfacing in the most unexpected moments. It’s not exactly fun, but it is a massive chance to reconcile and let go of negative energy.

Avoiding over-identifying with Emotional States

I can send an email to a friend in the morning, and by lunch, my mental and emotional space will be entirely different. Some days it’s high to low. Some days it’s low to high. Other days are slow and steady. I’ve learned to re-read emails, identifying thoughts and feelings that I would either like to change/disidentify with, or that I can now recognize as apt to fluctuate and thus maybe not worth communicating so vehemently. This is serving as a supreme exercise in cultivating my Observer.

Holding Opposing Beliefs & Emotions in Tandem

Piggybacking on facing my demons and dis-identifying with emotions, is the notion of finding acceptance for all of the emotions and beliefs. I tend to dichotomize things pretty heavily. I’ve always been more of a black and white human, than shades of grey. My time alone has repeatedly reminded me that it is possible — and probable — that conflicting thoughts/beliefs exist simultaneously. I’ve come to realize that these complexities are more indicative of human nature than clear dualities. Needing to define black and white is my ego trying to organize in order to protect itself.

Being Kind & REACHING OUT

I’ve encountered some strange emotional reactions from people during this time. The oddest things have also triggered me. I am finding it crucial not to judge anyone too harshly right now. A little extra kindness and compassion go a long way. It’s often easy to extend this love and generosity to others, but I must remember to include myself as well. Whether it’s indulging in a leisurely morning, ordering grocery ‘treats’, or taking space to ‘do nothing’ without judgment — self-care is important. Even as an introvert, I am experiencing times when nurturing myself means reaching out to friends and family for connection.

Fortifying with Gratitude

If I start feeling low, I’ll look for a small way to help someone, or practice gratitude for everything that I DO have. For me, this is often the fastest cure to victimhood and the most effective means of making myself feel physically and emotionally stronger.

Appreciating Nature

One of the only constants amidst this uncertainty is nature. The birds are chirping, the sun is rising and setting, the stars are out. I find that taking moments to appreciate these small gifts is incredibly grounding and inspiring.

Exercising, Breathing, Meditating

For those of us not allowed to exercise outdoors, life has taken on a whole new dimension of pent up energies. For me, it is critical to move my body and increase blood flow, so I don’t sink into total lethargy. At the same time, I don’t want to ramp up my system so much that I become irritable or agitated. My routine involves a simple calisthenics routine, 20 minutes of fast flow yoga, and a dose of meditation at the beginning and end of each day to ground myself. Breathing exercises or even just deep breaths from time to time helps to calm the nervous system and may even increase resiliency to COVID. Everyone has different needs, but I would encourage finding a balance that helps keep physical and mental health equalized and flowing.

RECOGNIZING OPPORTUNITY

Nothing lasts forever. The world is undergoing a shift that has been a long time coming. The way humans have been living is unsustainable. Despite the tragedy and adversity that COVID is wreaking on humankind, it is an opportunity to create a new normal. One that is no longer based on capitalistic greed and the destruction of the planet we live on. Shifting perspective and viewing the situation as an opportunity is a valuable practice. You have choices right now. What is important to you? Going forward, how do you wish to move in the world and within your own life? What has fallen away that you might not want back?

Also published on Medium.