29 Jun A Path With Heart: Grit versus Beating a Dead Horse

Lately, I’ve been asking myself where the balance/lessons lie in having grit and perseverance versus beating a dead horse. When are obstacles testing your strength and desire? When are they a sign to change your path? When is it time to buckle down and lean in, versus heeding the universe’s subtle re-directions? In many spiritual circles, it is encouraged to practice ‘presence’ instead of force. However, most Western culture simultaneously teaches that struggle and tenacity are tenants of success. 

Interpreting Closed Doors

I contemplated these ideas after having two doors not just closed but slammed shut in my face. My initial reactions arose from ego. I experienced a sense of rejection, confusion, and frustration. A project that I’ve been trying to get off the ground for over two years suddenly seemed like a massive waste of time and a neverending collection of disappointing dead ends. Speaking things through with a close friend, she urged me to press on. However, she also brought an important detail to my attention. Maybe it isn’t the project that needs changing but rather my approach to it. I noted this distinction and filed it away in my mind. 

A few days later, sitting in meditation, more clarity came via one of my old favorites, Carlos Castaneda. ‘A Path With Heart’ echoed in my head:

“A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you . . . Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use.”

Does my path – this project – still have heart? A resounding ‘yes’ answered me. I still love peace silk. I continue to want to empower women, including myself. My passion for creating beauty and excellence persists. I still want to study all there is to learn in this arena. 

Grit & Clarity

I also realized that grit is great when I have clarity. When I’ve lost clarity, from going in circles on concepts, engaging in long, nebulous, and unproductive email threads, and trying to morph and adapt to various circumstances, perseverance is about as useful as a kite with no wind. Motoring forward in blind determination when I’ve lost the focus and essence of my ‘why’ doesn’t serve anyone. So, I must change my approach. 

Instead of trying to create an entire range perfectly out of the gate, I will start with small pieces. Instead of trusting random hires to execute my designs, I am capable of teaching myself more about sewing and prototyping pieces. I will ask knowledgeable friends for help. I can choose to remove the pressure of needing my business to be a particular way and constructing it in isolation. I will allow my curiosity to motivate me instead of my need for income. 

In the end, I am grateful for this lesson. I’ve learned it many times and will likely revisit it. It is easy to forget when I get tangled up in ideas, financial demands, and expectations. Going forward, I will regularly evaluate whether my path has heart instead of avoiding the possibility that it doesn’t, and thus have failed. Here are a few tips on managing the answer to whether your path has heart:

If Your Path Still Has Heart

• Accept that everything you’ve experienced up until this point has taught you necessary lessons. 
• Look at what you can do to change your approach to feel empowered again. Create small, actionable steps towards re-calibrating your efforts. 
• Let go of the self-judgment – the notion of where you ‘should’ be. 
• Notice where you are struggling the most and relinquish using force to correct it. Leave it be for a while. Our brains are miraculous at problem-solving and rarely need us to exert so much effort. 
• Recognize that it is a sign of maturity to be able to stop and assess where you need help or to change instead of obstinately barreling ahead. 
  
  

If Your Path No Longer Has Heart

• Accept that everything you’ve experienced up until this point has taught you necessary lessons.
• Permit yourself to let go of something that is not working. Often when we let go of one thing, it clears the space for something better to come in. 
• Understand that life – you – are fluid. You are likely not the same person you were last month or last year. It’s normal for priorities and aspirations to change. Hanging on to something out of stubbornness and pride often creates more ‘stuckness’ and misery than the temporary sense of loss our ego experiences from having ‘failed’.
• Adjust your mentality – there is no ‘failing’, only learning.
• Avoid interpreting the lack of manifestation as personal. Appreciate yourself for having the courage to try. 
• Take a break. Accept that if something is truly not working, it is not meant for you – at least not in the current way, at the current moment. 
  

“Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point, very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.”